Background:
The son of an American small town high school music teacher in eastern Washington gets his music degree, marries a sweet, retiring girl (sort of Jed Clampit's other daughter), and they have two children. They stumble, Forest-Gump style, into a neat deal: he fills out an application to teach secondary music education in military schools abroad and nearly gets the family sent to a war-torn third world country. At the last minute - through a strange glitch in the cosmic machine, they're sent instead to London.
Years have passed (since the writing of this 5 1/2 page opus), the former Miss Clampit seems to have blossomed into Hyacinth Bucket (that's Bouquet) and apparently quite a moral citadel; their children seem highly sought-after scholars/musicians/actresses; and from the sound of it, one will have to make an appointment years in advance to have an audience with her husband, Cary.
Here it is...the Mother of them all, the epitome of bad taste and an extreme example of fallout from Big-Fish-in-a-Little-Pond Syndrome:
[In the interest of time, we've highlighted affected English spellings and idioms in BLUE; and extreme pretentiousness/condescending verbiage/ugly-Americanisms in RED]
"HAPPY HOLIDAYS
Greetings from 'Jolly OLE England'. It's been quite some time since I last sent out a Christmas letter along with our annual Christmas cards. It might turn out to be more like a book, so why don't you put on the kettle, brew yourself a nice cup of tea, and find your favourite chair to get cosy in while we have this little chat.
I can't believe that it will be eight years this coming summer, since we first moved to England. Seven and a half years ago when we said goodbye to all of our family and friends in America, DAUGHTER #1 was just seven years old and DAUGHTER #2 was only four. Now #1 is 14 and #2 is 11. So much has happened in the past seven and a half years that I don't know where to begin to bring you up to date. I'll try to just hit the highlights. Still it won't be brief; we have had so many wonderful opportunities and made so many dear friends.
#1 and #2 both attended St. Paul's Church of England School when we first arrived in England. Cary and I both felt that it was very important for the girls to attend a school, which promoted religion, and we wanted the girls to be able to experience the culture as well. It couldn't have turned out better because we lucked out on finding a very good school within our own catchment area (neighbourhood). Not only was it a good school with a high standard of education, but it also had all of the extras, which appealed to the girls. The girls were in the school choir an had various solos for different performances, they were both in the recorder ensemble, and #1 had flute and #2 had clarinet lessons, they were both in the drama club and each had leading roles at different times. #1 was also debating and this last year she won first place in the Speakers Contest, which contained judges from the BBC on the panel.
Outside of school the girls have both always loved dancing, they have both danced since they were three years old, but it wasn't until we moved over here that it became a serious hobby. They both have always enjoyed jazz, modern, and tap dancing. #1 and #2 have danced on stage many times and have each won several medals for their performances. Last year #1 came in third in the British All Arts Awards, and #2 made competed(sic) in the semi finals the year before. There are thousands of girls and boys that compete each year in the British All Arts. The girls were very pleased to make it so high up in each of the competitions.
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The girls now attend one of the finest schools in all of England. They each had to take a very difficult exam and attain a very high score in order to be accepted into a Grammar School (a very select school). Only the top 15% of children have the opportunity to go to a Grammar School. #1 has been at the high school for three years now and #2 joined her this year. The girls are extremely fortunate because it is very rare for two children in the same family to be awarded places in the same Grammar School. Not only are the girls in the same school, but their form rooms (homerooms) are right next door to each other. You might not think that this is very exciting, but when you realise that this is a school of 1450 girls it seems miraculous. I do believe that someone is watching over us very carefully.
#1 and #2 have been very fortunate in many ways, and being asked to work on television was no exception. I had been asked for several years whether the girls would be interested in making commercials, etc..... After a great deal of prompting from people in the business and a lot of reluctance on our parts, Cary and I asked the girls if this was something that they might enjoy and they were ecstatic. We agreed to let an agent interview them and to have photographs taken for their portfolio. Presto the girls had their own agents. #1 and #2 have done a few things over the years. #1 played the part of the young Vivien Leigh (the leading actress in 'Gone With the Wind') in a movie about the actress's life. She made a commercial for Del Monte's Frutini which was shown here and abroad, but not in America. She has also auditioned at the Palace Theatre in London for Cameron Macintosh (the producer of 'Les Miserable'" among her many auditions. #2 had had parts on Nickelodeon T.V., made a commercial for Nesquick and worked at Pinewood Studios with Valerie Bertinelli. I got to meet Eddie Van Halen and their little boy Wolfgang (Wolfy as they call him). The girls have had loads of auditions, too numerous to mention, but about a year and a half ago, #2 auditioned for the role of the girl in the remake of the 'Parent Trap'. Obviously she didn't get the part, but she met the girl who did. #1 and #2 have both performed in local amateur productions as well. Of course it is a business like any other business and we all approach it from that point of view. The girls have been offered other things as well, like 'Hale and Pace' (a popular grown up comedy show which is not appropriate for children to watch or act in), and fashion shows in Paris without me as their chaperone(sic). I have turned down many an offer on behalf of the girls. If it doesn't feel right we won't let them do it. The girl's education has to come first and no one can take Cary's or my place as the perfect chaperone(sic).
The first couple of years we were just like tourists and we went and saw the sights at every opportunity. We have seen and done so much like: visiting Stately homes of Winston Churchill, Disraelli and many others, going to Windsor Castle and several others in Scotland, Wales and England, visiting palaces, going to Paris three times and seeing all of the sights there, and Cary has travelled to Germany and many other places on the continent for his career. Now it is just home and we are very active in the community.
Cary's career couldn't be going any better. He is always telling me how much he loves his job. It was a huge challenge when we first arrived though, and I think he wanted to get right back on the aircraft and head for SMALL TOWN, USA again. I wouldn't have blamed him at all. His first introduction to his office and classroom was a shabby old building with all of the instruments and music stands in a pile in the middle of the floor. What a mess!!! The ceiling was falling apart and it wasn't the
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only thing. He didn't have what you would call a decent size band and his choir consisted of one girl. Nearly eight years later, through a lot of hard work and perseverance Cary has created what you might call a music empire. He has been moved into a very nice building with loads of room, his own separate office and a place for everything. London Central High School how has a beginning band, and intermediate band, a marching band, a pep band, two strings groups (which are soon to be a small orchestra), a training choir and a Concert choir. Cary manages to do it all by himself and I'm not sure how. We were invited to the American School in London recently for their Winter concert and found out that they have four music teachers to do almost as much as Cary manages all by himself. That is the difference between a private school and a Government school. That it not a complaint, but merely an observation.
Cary, the girls and I have always loved the theatre and have gone to several shows in the West End of London. We took the girls to see the hit musical 'Crazy for You' a few years ago as a treat for their birthdays and it just so happened that the star of the show was the daughter of the lady who runs their dancing school. WOW!!! We were able to go back stage and see the 10,000 pound (British Sterling money not weight) gown
that she wore in the final number and have our programs signed. Cary and I also took the girls to see 'Oliver!' in the West End. Lucy a friend of the family was a star in that musical. #1's friend Becky was also a star in a West End Musical 'Leonardo' and we took the girls to see that as well and they got to go back stage and meet the other stars and have their programs signed.
Cary decided a couple of years ago to go back to University and get his Masters Degree. He asked me what I thought of Cambridge University. Well you know exactly what I thought. A prestigious University like Cambridge is the equilivant(sic) of Oxford, Harvard, Yale or Princeton. I told him to go for it. He checked into it, took the exam, interviewed and he was accepted. This past summer he was awarded his Master of Education Degree from Cambridge University. It was a spectacular day with all of the pomp and circumstance that you would expect. The ceremony was all in Latin and very formal. Cary's parents flew in from the States and several of our close friends were able to attend the ceremony with us. Our dear friend Angel is an Oxford graduate and yes she already has her Masters Degree. It was a very grand occasion so Cary and I decided to splash out and have a dreadfully expensive reception at a very posh restaurant in Cambridge. You only live once!!! It truly was a day to remember.
Three of the first years that we lived in this country, Cary and I were given the opportunity to go to the Encaenia (the honorary Doctoral Ceremony) in the Sheldonial Theatre at Oxford University. Another Wow!!! Not just anyone can go. A friend of ours, whom is a contributor to the University, gave us his tickets because he and his wife were not able to attend. The first year we queued up (stood in line) for about an hour and we sat in Nosebleed City, you know, just about as far away from the action as you can possibly get. The second year the queue was only about a half an hour because we had different coloured tickets, the queue was only about a half an hour long and we were able to sit a little closer. The third year Cary and I walked around the outside of Sheldonean Theatre looking for people holding the same colour of tickets as ourselves, but no one seemed to have any. Finally we went up to one of the doormen who was taking tickets and asked where exactly we should go to stand in a
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queue and he directed us to walk past the T.V. crews and directly inside. This year we sat with the professors and scholars just two seats away from Javier Perez de Cuellar (the fifth secretary-general to the United Nations in 82-91). Oh my Heavens!!! Cary kept whispering to me 'I can't believe that we are sitting here!' and I was afraid that someone would hear him and toss us immediately out of the door. It was a fantastic experience; I can't even begin to explain the sense of excitement, which we felt. We have seen the Queen of Denmark, along with Dame Joan Sutherland (the opera diva) and of course Javier Perez de Cuellar all receive their Honarary Doctoral Degrees from the University of Oxford. The next year when Cary was offered tickets, he gracefully declined them because we were not available to attend on that particular day due to other obligations. I guess that it's just as well, or who knows we might have been asked to speak in Latin and present the degrees to foreign nationals' etc... Bill Clinton was at the University a few years ago as a guest speaker, but unfortunately for him we were unable to grace him with our presence. Poor soul, I think he could have used our guidance.
Each summer Cary and I take the girls, along with a large group of friends, punting down the Cherwell. You might wonder what punting is, but if you have every watched the movie, 'Mary Poppins' then you'll have at least a basic understanding. The boats are called punts and they have flat bottoms. Six to eight people can fit into each punt and one lucky member is allowed the pleasure of actually doing what is called punting. The punter plunges a large pole into a shallow river until it reaches the riverbed at which time he/she gives a good hearty push off. This process is done repeatedly, thus allowing the boat to move up or down the stream. A good punter, like a good rower, can move along a quite a nice pace. It is tradition to stop at a favourite pub called the Vicky Arms on the way up stream and enjoy a favourite beverage and a chat with friends from another punt before continuing the journey to a lovely mooring spot for a picnic. Everyone spreads out their travel rugs (a tartan blanket to sit on and spread out the delicacies from the hamper (picnic basket). The British really know how to enjoy themselves. Our annual day of punting is definitely a favourite. It's just one more of the fantastic opportunities that we have been privileged with.
A few years ago, Cary, #1, #2 and I were invited to a charity concert, which had been organised by a friend, to see Peter Donaho (the famous pianist) perform. On this particular occasion Peter decided to use music (he does not usually) and he needed a page-turner. You will never guess whom he asked. That's right Cary. After the performance, Cary said that he had never been so nervous in his whole life. I'm glad that it was he and not I. I probably would have accidentally knocked the music on the floor, you know, like something out of an 'I Love Lucy' episode.
I have kept very busy over the years with volunteer work in the girl's school, being on the PTA, Thursday evenings at the church, chauffeuring the girls to their various activities, and running into London for auditions, etc... A couple of years ago I decided that it was time to get my foot back into the door with my teaching career. I had been away from teaching since #1 was born in 1984. I felt very strongly that I should be home with my children, and that they deserved a mother who could devote her time and energy to them. I am very pleased with my decision. I have been supply teaching (substitute teaching) at three different schools for the past couple of years now and I love it. Cary says that I work too much and he is probably right. Someday
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I'll learn to say no, but for now I love what I'm doing and the extra money is always nice. I feel very privileged to be able to have a job like I do. If my children are sick or need me for any reason I can just ring my boss to let her know that I am unavailable and she is able to get someone else. It's simply wonderful!!!
The United Kingdom has several differrent holidays from the United States. They certainly don't celebrate the 4th of July or Thanksgiving and Halloween has never really caught on. That is until the S--- family arrived. When we first arrived in this country there was not a Halloween decoration to be found, but over the last few years little by little I have been able to find a few things. Every year we have a Halloween party and invite several of our friends and their children along with some of the neighbours because trick or treating is almost unheard of and certainly not appreciated in this country. We always have a great time!!! A couple of years ago Cary and I decided to host a much larger Halloween party at a hall. It turned out fabulously. Over 100 people were invited and all except for four of them turned out. Every one of them came in fancy dress (that is what they refer to as costumes). What good fun they all were. Thank goodness that I have saved all of my decorations from when we lived in the States. This year Cary and I were pirates, #1 was dressed as a witch and #2 was a black cat.
This is a very busy time of year, but one of my favourites. I have 30 people in our immediate familiy to shop for who live back in the States. That is a great deal of coming up with ideas, shopping, Christmas wrapping, finding sturdy boxes for shipping, mail wrapping, customs forms and oh yes postage. It's finished for this season so now I can focus on our little family right here at home. Actually I have most of it finished, but it's always the little details which need a little more attention. I find that making a list and checking it twice, this time of year gives me peace of mind instead of turning me into Scrooge. Cary has his Christmas concert this week. Yes he is allowed to call it a Christmas concert. At least the whole world has not lost sight of the true meaning of Christmas. #1 is in the chamber choir at her school. It is a very posh auditioned choir for the girls who are 13 and older. She will perform in two carol concerts with them during the next week at two churches, which are both over 1,000 years old. #2 is in the junior choir and will also be performing in one of the carol concerts. All four of us are in the St. Augustine's Church Choir and we always do a lot of performing around Christmas time. Our choir carols at several different venues, along with giving a formal carol concert at our church on the Sunday before Christmas. The choir also performs at Midnight Mass and again on Christmas Day. Our days are very full with writing Christmas cards, shopping, concerts, carolling, and parties, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. God has truly blessed us. We are going to several parties as usual this season; we had two to go to last weekend, one this coming weekend, one the following week and we couldn't manage to fit in a couple of others with everything else that is going on. Our dear friends the Dawes' always invite us to a lovely party on Christmas Eve which is a wonderful way to spend the evening before going to Midnight Mass. Then there is the wonderful Christmas Day celebration, we always have a lovely brunch with champagne and smoked salmon to start off this special day before moving on to the turkey and trimmings and then finally onto the Christmas Pudding. Mince pies are popular over here, but only the individual size. They are passed around on trays like hors d' Oeuvres. On Boxing we have friends coming to join us for the festivities. Boxing Day is the day after Christmas. It is a very big holiday and everyone gets the day off
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from work. Roy Castle was the uncle of our friends who are coming on Boxing Day. He was a huge star here in the U.K. and died from lung cancer just a couple of years ago. He was the star of Record Breakers and performed several of the stunts himself. The BBC filmed him wing walking on an aircraft from England to France. He was a very famous performer and he tap-danced on 'Singing in the Rain' as well as many other shows. My friend Doris is having his wife and children to her home on Christmas Day and then coming to us for Boxing Day. We always go to a friends holiday party on the 28th and we have a New Year's party at our place with loads of our friends to help us ring in the New Year with style.
In this letter you will no doubt have noticed that I have used many English spellings. When in Rome...
We hope that you and your family have a joyous Chirstmas and a Happy New Year!!!
Love,
Teri, Cary, #1 and #2
The S--- Family"
